The Devil's Sword - 1984

Watching The Devil's Sword is like witnessing every 11 year old American male's dreams violently blast through their cerebral cortex and onto a nearby screen, presuming one can see through the skull fragments. It's as if I sifted through Haim Saban's dumpster to discover a lost Power Rangers episode deemed "just too much" by some phantasmagorical censor board who washed their skeletal hands of any involvement or knowledge of this treasure's existence. This is "cool" adult-fantasy as defined by a child's mind, yet somehow produced for a wide audience in Indonesia, scooped up by international studios and dubbed in English for the masses. That adults were involved in any way is baffling. How can a product like this leak through a system unless the entirety of the studio is forever trapped in a Bugsy Malone perma-adolescence?

Are you a bad enough dude to amputate your master's legs?

Logic remains entirely absent as Barry Prima, Indonesia's answer, I guess, to Chuck Norris travels through towns, harems, and caves searching for the titular blade that does something, I think, maybe. I couldn't follow the narrative either due to ineptitude of coherent storytelling or my sheer awe that the entire imagination of young boys was flashing in front of me at 24fps. Battles erupt every five minutes and often last as long. Rivers of blood flow freely as Alligator Men (deemed such by the characters) are flayed, jaws lopped off by scimitars. Old witches are hacked in two with no consequence as the halves simply float back together in harmony. Green lasers blast from combative palms with no hint as to why or how. Wire work is liberally peppered throughout with every jump or dash enhanced by some late 90's cheat code entered by the Grand Programmer of this tale (no clipping!). A character literally explodes into existence, kicks a boulder into the air and rides it into the nearby village. Someone writing whatever could be called a screenplay must have sat for hours gorging on fruit snacks blubbering "And then he does this and THIS HAPPENS and oh man hey wahhdhdoguf" to no one in particular. And then a movie happened.

There is a translucent layer of lurid sexuality smeared over the whole film, but again it is a young boy's idea of sex. The Alligator Queen's lust is insatiable, commanding all men to please her therefore controlling their minds, but sex is apparently kissing a lot while laying supine. It's all so earnest that I feel like an entire nation's concept of acceptable sex is laid out for me in this film, because that's not reductive at all right? But seriously, think back to what you thought sex was as a naive child and transpose that to celluloid.

There is a haunting familiarity in the constant fantasy-action that makes this more than a hyper-violent Ultraman episode. It seems like director Ratno Timoer saw plenty of Shaw Brothers epics (there is even the blatant pilfering of the Flying Guillotine weapon) and failed at every turn to create his own. Chang Cheh he is not, but considering the probable lack of budget he accomplishes insanity the likes of which I've rarely seen. The wannabe wu-xia wire work is laughable in the best way and the fight choreography is the worst offender of "man battles a huge circling group of baddies one at a time for some reason". Long single-take combat shots magnify every flaw but perhaps can be commended for trying? Apparently Barry Prima was a martial arts prodigy but every move is so lazily performed you can almost feel the boredom with each kick. Either that, or Indonesia has a penchant for violence in which no one tries but everyone dies. Well, I saw the Act of Killing, so maybe I shouldn't comment further.

What?

 While I am certainly laughing at the film, I too am laughing with it like the world's most confused bully. It's severely entertaining, exactly what I pray for in my grindhouse oddities and has easily become my favorite sword and sorcery release of the 80's. Even Conan cannot compete with the candy-colored delirium of The Devil's Sword and as lazy as Prima sometimes appears he could still defeat Schwarzeneggar on any battlefield. He'd sprint around the hulking beast, juking hither and thither before leaping atop the Colossus, thrusting his blade through his neck, a geyser of red victory spraying over our hero and into our hearts. We all have the Barry Prima we desire, and this one is mine. 

Praise be to Mondo Macabro for releasing this gem on a fantastic dvd.